What women's wrestling is really like

What’s the first thing that pops into your mind when I say the words ‘pro wrestling’? Spandex? Hulk Hogan? Oily leather-skinned men strutting around while bikini models pull each other’s weaves out? Right now, it’s probably GLOW – a new Netflix show (and everyone’s current addiction) following a female wrestling league on TV in 1980s America. Well, the good news is: whatever you think wrestling is, the truth is probably something very different – and I’m about to make it your new obsession.

As an author, I work from home, which gives me endless hours of background TV time – time that could clearly be spent bingeing on Netflix shows or Keeping Up With The Kardashians. Unfortunately for Kimmy Schmidt and Kimmy K, there is only one thing on my TV: professional wrestling.

It’s probably fair to say I don’t fit your idea of a wrestling fan. I’m a girl, for starters. I write romantic comedy novels for a living; my strobing is never not perfect; and why, yes, I did just get my nails done, thanks for noticing. But I am as big a fan as you’re ever likely to find. I collect wrestling memorabilia; I listen to wrestling podcasts; and I made my boyfriend dress up as The World’s Cutest Tag Team for Halloween. Such is my commitment to sports entertainment, I once went on an OK Cupid date with a guy just because he listed seminal wrestling documentary Beyond The Mat as one of his favourite films. It didn’t work out, but we did spend a lovely evening watching the Royal Rumble together.

And yes, lots of my friends think I’m certifiable. But is watching several hours a week (cough day) of elbow drops, sunset flips and figure-fours any more crazy than committing to your average Real Housewives marathon? Actually, don’t answer that yet…

“Y’all here for the wrestle thing?” my Uber driver asked, as I threw my suitcase full of Kevin Owens shirts, custom-printed WrestleMania leggings and a New Day light-up unicorn horn into his car on Thursday afternoon. “Y’all are crazy. Real polite, but totally crazy.”

It was hard to argue. Downtown Dallas had been colonised by 100,000 people chanting “Yes! Yes! Yes!” in honour of the recently retired Daniel Bryan, wearing T-shirts declaring themselves a ‘Hugger’ and, every so often, bursting into song, announcing to everyone in earshot that 15-time champion John Cena [now also a film star] – beloved of children and loathed by adult wrestling fans – ‘Sucks’ (he does, BTW – the man only has five moves).

To help you understand how important the annual WrestleMania is to wrestling fans, I have formulated a very exciting analogy using kittens. Bear with me. Imagine you love kittens. Now, imagine people making fun of you for loving kittens so often that you hardly ever talk to anyone else about how much you love kittens, because who wants to be made fun of for something they love?

Next, I want you to imagine an entire weekend where you could hang out with thousands of other people who love kittens. You can talk about kittens all day and no one will get bored. In fact, they’re desperate to talk about kittens. You can go to kitten shows, kitten conventions and get your photograph taken with your favourite kittens. Everyone in town is so high on their love for kittens, just being in the city itself is a joyful experience. Now, replace the word ‘kitten’ with the word ‘wrestling’, and hopefully you have an idea of what WrestleMania means to the average wrestling fan. And yes, once again, I’m totally talking about myself.

But it’s not just me. Pro wrestling has many famous friends. Comedian Jon Stewart hosted last year’s SummerSlam, and Arrow actor Stephen Amell even stepped into the ring with Stardust. And I have seen Stephen Merchant, Joe Manganiello and Sofía Vergara with my own eyes at shows. Wrestling is officially happening, people. I mean, what other event could unite that group of celebrities?

Anyway, back in Dallas, the morning before WrestleMania, unable to sleep and clearly annoying my boyfriend by constantly asking him which match he was most excited to see, I left our hotel and went to meet my friend, Keri, also in town for Mania. Keri is the founder of Goldsheep clothing, and designs ring gear for some of the female wrestlers. Like lots of my friends, she didn’t start out as a wrestling fan, but was seduced by the gateway drug that is Total Divas, the E! reality show that follows the lives of the women wrestlers outside of the ring. Basically, Total Divas is KUWTK with added choke slams – and seriously, what’s not to love about that?

Everything was going so well until I unexpectedly found myself face to face with an off-duty Brie Bella, former Divas champion. I was utterly starstruck. Even more so than that time I accidentally followed/stalked Jared Leto around Coachella. There she was, one of my favourite WWE superstars, brandishing a glass of red wine, well on her way to getting into Brie Mode (Total Divas code for ever-so-slightly tipsy). There was an awkward introduction, and an even more awkward chat about American football, but soon we found ourselves taking a selfie and sharing gossip about the male wrestlers. Brie Bella is one of the nicest people I have ever met. Whoever said that about a single Real Housewife of Anywhere? Exactly. #LifeGoals.

For years, I used to fast-forward through the ‘divas’ matches on WWE shows, pretending the bra-and-panties matches didn’t exist. No, really: ‘bra-and-panties matches’ were A Thing, the winner being the first to strip her opponent to her underwear. But at last those days are over; we are in the midst of a kickass women’s wrestling renaissance.

Fighting through thousands of people in 100° heat to find my seat in the AT&T Stadium was not my idea of a good time, but seeing the Divas title retired and replaced with the new Women’s Championship was such an incredible moment, I may have done a little cry. The man next to me may or may not have handed me a tissue. Wrestling fans care about each other, you guys.

OK, here’s the thing. Ask any wrestling fan this question and they will all give you the same response: it’s not fake, it’s scripted. WWE is a soap opera. It has a colourful cast, all entangled in different storylines – good guys, bad guys, heroes, villains, just like the TV shows you love.

Regardless of the predetermined outcome of matches, there are still upwards of a dozen women and 50 men all fighting for their spot. There’s only so much time on TV to showcase so many people, and just a very select few will achieve long-term success. To get the ‘push’ from WWE owner Vince McMahon and win the championship, you’ve still got to be good. And even if you make it, you’re only one injury away from early retirement, with nothing to show for it but a life dedicated to a sport you can no longer take part in. Daniel Bryan, Edge and Steve Austin are just three successful superstars who had their careers ended early because injuries put their bodies and lives at risk in the ring.

And even knowing that the storylines are scripted, I still couldn’t look when Shane McMahon jumped 30ft off the top of a steel cage and crashed into the announce table. The man has children. Predetermined doesn’t mean fake. It takes a lot more skill to not punch someone in the face than it does to just punch someone in the face, let alone jump off a 30ft steel cage without killing yourself. Seriously, I still can’t think about it.

Getting out of the stadium was thankfully much easier than getting in. The crowd was buzzing, high off six hours of death-defying stunts, unifying chants and, not least, The Rock tearing away his jogging bottoms as though he was auditioning for the next Magic Mike. Which he might have been, you don’t know. We were one, a hive mind programmed to cheer, to boo and to repeatedly remind John Cena that he sucks, and it felt amazing.

Forcing my love of wrestling onto my boyfriend is one of my proudest achievements, and after four days of non-stop wrestling action, by the time the fireworks exploded around the AT&T Stadium deep in the heart of Texas, I knew he was sold.

“Do you think you’ll want to come again next year?” he asked, as I boarded the bus back to our hotel, glassy eyed, utterly exhausted and beyond ecstatic. Talk about a silly question.

“Things have changed for women in wrestling. It’s similar to men’s wrestling now, and when you see someone like Sasha Banks in the ring, people can’t believe it – she’s so little, and she acts as though she’s 7ft tall and 300lb. I don’t want people to see it as a ‘women’s match’, just a match they’d be into. On a show day, I go to the WWE Performance Center in Orlando, Florida, and train, either weights or two hours in the ring. After that, we have an hour’s break to go home and get ready, then we go to the location and set up the ring, the chairs, the curtains, everything, with the boys. We have our match, then we tear down the ring, put it all in the truck and go home. We maybe drive three hours to and from the show. Then we get up and do it all again the next day. We do everything the guys do, it’s a very tiring schedule. WWE wrestlers can spend up to 330 days a year on the road.”

“I was always a wrestling fan, but there were no Irish wrestlers so, for me, it was beyond a dream. Until I found a wrestling school an hour away when I was 15, that is. At one point, I gave it up for seven years, but not for one day did I not hear this voice in my head telling me this was what I was meant to do. I chose other jobs to distract me from the void wrestling had left. I enjoyed the performance, so I became an actress. I enjoyed the physicality, so I became a stuntwoman. I liked travelling, so worked as a flight attendant. I enjoyed the jobs, but none clicked. Now I’m at the WWE, there is real camaraderie. There’s competition, but it’s healthy. Training and diet on the road are difficult. At home, I’d train eight hours a day. On the road, I can only get 90 minutes in, so I keep it as intense as possible.Wrestling has a huge impact on family and relationships. I moved away at 18 to pursue wrestling, and I can sometimes feel alone, but the sacrifice is worth it. I’ve missed weddings, and friends are having babies, but I try hard to keep in touch. When I look back on life, I don’t know if I’d remember a wedding, but I know I’ll remember this.”

Lindsey Kelk is the best-selling author of the I Heart… series and Always The Bridesmaid

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